Exposing The Publisher Detta, Tama, Tento (#10)

Dit. Tama. Cette. Diese. Questo. Este. Detta. Acest. Tento.

Any way you choose to say it, it all means the same.

The number 10.

In my continuing effort to make sure that you, the reader, the listeners or those brothers and sisters in arms in Putnam County, are fully informed of the story telling that The Publisher likes to tell over at Putnam(redacted).com, I bring to you EtP10. In a continued effort of yellow journalism, The Publisher has once again “created” a story out of nothing. Once again, he attacks Mayor Edwards, accusing his “staff” of planting political signs for the Mayor’s reelection campaign in The Publishers yard. I present to you;

“Here’s Your Sign.” 

As always lets begin with the title of his attack piece.

Edwards Campaign Harasses Critics Again

Right off the bat, he accuses.

Signs Placed In Front Of Home Without Permission

The byline. Even though you eventually come to find out that The Publisher says that he doesn’t blame the Mayor for personally putting signs up in The Publisher’s yard, he leads you to believe such. This is bait and switch.

During his 2007 campaign for mayor, Scott D. Edwards chose to campaign on a Hurricane street corner across the street from the employer of this publisher’s wife. This publisher has been one of Edwards’ strongest critics, citing his anti-family and anti-jobs stance that hurts the City of Hurricane and Putnam County.

Wow. I think I just heard a hamstring snap as he reached for that first statement. The Publisher accuses Edwards of picking a spot specifically because The Publishers wife worked in a building across the street? I’m going to let that sink in for a moment.

First of all, while chatting up the mayor in casual conversation over cheeseburgers and a Pepsi (note: that’s what I was having when I wrote him an email, I have no clue what he was having), I got the impression Mr. Edwards had no idea that The Publisher’s wife was working in any building on any of the street corners he chose to do his hand waving and hello’s. As any smart, intelligent, politically oriented candidate would do, he chose his spots strategically. Highest traffic flow gets you to wave that hand and say hello more which translates into “impressions”. It’s the smart thing to do. Edwards did not choose a street corner based on a critic or where that critic’s wife works. End of story.

All this is, is an attempt to once again for this critic, The Publisher, to try and sully the name of a candidate, The Mayor, just because his panties are still in a bunch about Walmart. It’s all about Walmart. “Edwards is anti family…” because he brought in a Walmart. “Edwards is anti jobs…” because he brought on a Walmart.

Shortly after he was elected, in a tainted election, while this publisher was working in South Carolina, a City of Hurricane inspector cited this publisher’s pregnant wife for weeds on a hillside behind our home. Edwards’ business, Netranom Communications, (the Old Town Hall building) and the current Hurricane City Hall had tall weeds, but they weren’t cited. City inspectors have repeatedly refused to cite Edwards for the issues at the Netranom building. It’s part of Edwards’ double standard and dirty politics.

Tainted election? There has never been proof of this. It was a sore losers late attempt to try and change the minds of those that had already spoken though the ballots. Sam Cole lost in a close election and he didn’t even care until someone started to whisper in his ears about “rigged elections” and “unsafe ballots” or some other hooha. Could it have been Mark Halburn? An obvious critic of Mayor Edwards that was doing the whispering through his opinionated web site? I’ll let you be the judge. Never mind the fact Cole had a solid recount done with the same results. You can count 100 times and nothing was going to change.

As for the weeds part of this yellow journalism piece? Oooops. There goes the other hammy! Seriously? Is there any proof that his second wife was ticketed for tall weeds? Any proof at all? Do they really enforce that statute anymore? Oh, wait. Weeds at a computer business as well, no ticket there? Oh, ok. So basically we have another untruth out there, tossed up like a softball by The Publisher. Excuse me while I take a swing here. He takes a picture of tall weeds in behind the City Hall building and tries to sell that (with no proof) as to have been taken in 2007?  I call dirty journalism.

::bat crack::

I will say this though. Don’t be a stooge, Mr. Publisher. Cut your damn grass if you are looking to make an impression to sell that double wide.

So when Edwards’ re-election campaign signs showed up in the grass in front of our home, Thursday, May 12th, 2011, we weren’t surprised. Edwards says he didn’t do it. We believe him. However, we don’t believe he didn’t know a supporter was putting them there. And despite Edwards assertion that the culprit will be prosecuted, more than 24 hours after the trespassing and malicious mischief occurred (I decided to leave all his spelling mistakes and grammatical errors…that‘s not me), no one from the Hurricane Police Department had fingerprinted the signs. Chief of Police W. “Mike” Mullins hung up on this publisher when he was asked why the signs were not fingerprinted and why the Walmart surveillance video had not been viewed.

Oh my. There are so many things in this little paragraph that just tickle me pink. He totally believes his lie and thus herein lies the crux of my expose’ in this article. It is my belief that Mark Halburn aka The Publisher, did in fact steal signs from various places about the city of Hurricane and deliberately destroyed them to “create” a story to put Mayor Edwards in a negative light.

When asked about the accusation, Mayor Edwards responded with the following quote; “ Me nor my people did this — not sure who did. He emailed me and said he was out of town and demanded 1 trillion dollars per sign per day for yard space rent.”

Yep. You heard that right. One trillion. I have to wonder if Mark sat there laughing manically, his pinky finger resting at the corner of his mouth when he wrote up that email to Mayor Edwards?

Oh yeah, you want to see the entire email The Publisher sent Mayor Edwards? I thought ya might;

“For the second campaign in a row, you have chosen to harass my wife. Last time you campaigned in front of her employer. Today, while I am out of town, she awoke to find TWO of your campaign signs in our front yard. Since these were UNAUTHORIZED, the overnight space rental fee is $1 TRILLION per sign. Yes, I WILL be making this public as just your latest unethical conduct! How do you sleep at night? The payment is due IMMEDIATELY at the City National Branch, in Hurricane! Mark.”

I giggled. Seriously. Until I laughed. Is this guy crazy? Wait!

Don’t answer that.

When I talked to Mayor Edwards a few days later about the missing signs he stated that he had been told a few signs were missing. To quote; “Well, they were stolen from what appears to be random locations… Some in subdivisions and some on main roads.” 

I agree that the culprit be prosecuted. Go ahead and look at any Walmart footage. It’s not going to show anything than an empty parking lot and a few cars rolling up and down Progress Way. As far as the finger printing goes, yeah, do that too. It will find that Mark’s greasy little paw marks are all over them in specific places, not just from “uprooting” them from his yard and crunching them in a barrel to take pictures of the offending signs. The Publisher could be nailed with theft of property, burglary and destruction of said property. Who knows, if he stole enough of the signs and it’s proven he did, then it could be a felony. There’s a hell of an add to the ole rap sheet for ya. No wonder Mullins hung up on his ass. Oh yeah. Can I answer the question of “How do you sleep at night?” for the Mayor? Thanks. Like a hard working Mayor.

::bling smile and a thumbs up!::

We removed the signs and placed them in a more appropriate location. Edwards was sent a bill for the space rental for the time that the signs were in the grass. Naturally, Edwards hasn’t paid the bill. He sent the following email:

“Thank you for letting me know that there were some of my campaign signs in your yard. If they are still on your property, I will be glad to come and get them, but I do want you to know that I did not place them there. Actually, I noticed numerous signs of mine had been moved to different locations last night. I was out until midnight, so it had to have taken place between midnight and 7 am, which is when I noticed the others that were moved. If it happens again, please let me know and I will remove immediately.”

The “appropriate location” was a garbage bin. First off, if The Publisher was any kind of decent human being and this was indeed a prank by someone knowing how much of a critic he is to Edwards, he would have called and said “I have your signs, come get them or I will bring them in. They are not supposed to be on my lawn.” I would not have deliberately broken the law and destroyed them and then taken photographic proof of this.

As far as Mr. Edwards paying the bill? Well, a collection has been started and the office is up to $6.75 in coins and dollars. We here at a State Of Mind have started a matching collection of $6.75 in Pepsi cans so we are well on our way to paying off this two trillion dollar debt. That’s a lot more than the liberal Publisher’s current leaders administration has saved up towards it’s trillion dollar debt.

As for Mayor Edwards going out of his way to respond, it’s a lot more than he needed to do. He was polite and apologetic about this happening and has not once accused Mark of any wrong doing. I have and I will stick to it. What surprises me is The Publisher didn’t burn these signs. He is a suspected firebug after all.

So far, Edwards has not picked up the signs for fingerprinting despite a request to do so.

So here it ends. Number ten. A decology, thus far, of Exposing the Publisher. The Publisher wants the police to investigate, finger prints to be taken, signs to be picked up and trillions of dollars to be deposited into his account. Huh. I just realized we can add extortion to the charges in this little episode (temper tantrum?) by The Publisher. I bet no one thought of that yet, did they. Especially The Publisher.

One final note. The Publisher posted a photo of a supposed Mayor giving a photographer the middle finger. I chose not to repost that. But I did come up with something of my own to cap off this expose, if you will. I call it a three finger book for The Publisher to read.

I just hope he can read between the lines.

Exposing The Publisher #9

Shhhhhhhh…can you hear that?

::crickets::

Yeah. I know. It’s been pretty quiet around the State Of Mind hidden offices lately. Between the rat race, the radio show, family and good friends, I’ve been busy and really? I can’t complain about any of that. That doesn’t mean I have neglected my duties to Exposing The Publisher, however. I’ve recently come across a few articles written by the West Virginia Mad Man, Mark Halburn and have been verifying certain details so that I can bring you the ninth installment of Exposing The Publisher.

I call this one The Crickets Are Crying. Don’t ask me why. I think it’s because I started out with a cricket joke. I’ll probably end with one as well.

Now, lets lay out a little back story first. Remember when The Publisher got all bent out of shape about not being able to swim in the pool Waves of Fun during a Dog Swim? It was an event for pets sponsored and supported by the Putnam County Parks and Recreation Department. They spent roughly $250 bucks and made close to $2000 for the pampered pooches that day. The Publisher boo hoo’d and whined because he couldn’t go for a swim and then tried to claim they spent over $1100. He, of course, was proven wrong.

Most recently The Publisher posted an opinion piece on his blog (we are no longer referring to it as a “news site”) that centered on an investigation into the Putnam County Animal Shelter. Since The Publisher still insists on calling his blog a “news site” and continues to lie to his readers (ie: his clicker finger) I decided it would be a good time to get the writing juices flowing and pop out good ole #9.

The Publisher was pretty blunt by calling this “FBI Looking Into New Animal Shelter Spending.”

Lets begin, shall we?

“The Federal Bureau of Investigation has been asked to look into the spending of private funds for the new Putnam County Animal Shelter.”

Yeah. You know who “asked to look into” things? The Publisher himself. No one else. He didn’t get any calls. He didn’t get any letters. No one but him has said boo. Just because of The Publisher’s petty little jealousy of dogs and cats, just because he regrets his criminal records concerning trespassing and pools, he has to come up with a story, spread some horse manure around in the right area’s and call it a bed of flowers. I call it what it is. Bullshi….wait. Horseshit. Yeah. Horseshit.

“Putnam(redacted).com received a return call this week from a Charleston agent whose name we are withholding.”

Ok. Lets see if I can rephrase this the right way, so it makes sense and tells the TRUTH. Lets, for a moment, give The Publisher the benefit of the doubt and say he did indeed get a call back from an agent of the FBI. One, the only reason he would have gotten a call back was because The Publisher probably harassed the answering machine of some poor sap that was told to cover the office while the other agents went out to make some real busts.

Two, the call was probably a return call to tell The Publisher that he’s a crack pot, they don’t have any authority over the Putnam County Animal Shelter and that if he called back again, there would be an investigation alright, but it wouldn’t be into the PCAS. I’m sure the agent may have used the words douchebag, fat boy and pudgy digits, but don’t quote me on that. Really though? This is just a out and out lie and no phone call ever took place. According to phone records, there was none. I could just stop here, but lets tear down more of The Publisher’s dream.

“At issue, apparently, is whether or not work at the new site has gone through a bidding process.”

How about a different question here. Why would the FBI even care about this?

“It’s a gray area,” the agent says, who disclosed that he will be reviewing the matter with the United States Attorney.”

::coughsBULLSHITcoughs::

Excuse me. I had a little phlegm there. Actually, no. I don’t have any phlegm. I do call bullshit here. He is now quoting some figment FBI agent of his imagination. You can get in trouble for this kind of stuff.

“Earlier this year, Putnam(redacted).com received several telephone calls asking questions about bids. We spoke with former fundraising chair Jeff Barnes who says the only spending he did was for the annual Fur Balls and confirmed each had a bidding process. However, Barnes says he never spent any of the money raised for work at the new site.”

Again, I call Shenanigans. Why anyone would call this guy, of all people, with his reputation, about the bidding process of the PCAS is beyond me? No one called him. It was just his vivid imagination that once again ran wild with an idea and manifested itself into more sock puppets “creating” a story. He then called and harassed yet another county employee and tried a little yellow journalism by getting a quote from someone that could be involved, just because he’ did some fund raising.

“When Putnam(redacted).com filed a Freedom of Information Act Request with Putnam County Manager Brian Donat, his response was that the county was never in possession of the private funds and has not spent any of that money.”

Of course that was the response. There is no story here. There wasn’t even a need for an FOIA here. It was just The Publisher trying to feel and look important by filing this document and that document and doing a little yellow journalism.

“After contacting the West Virginia State Police we were referred to the F.B.I. who confirmed they had already been contacted about the issue.”

::coughsBULLSHITcoughs::

Ahnnn…ahemmmm…arkahhhh…

Wow, must be a frog in my throat. No. No wait. No frog either. I’m calling more bullshit. Again, it comes down to phone records.

“We spoke with Pray Construction President Mark Grigsby and asked whether he had to bid out the work that his company has done at the new site. He declined to comment other than to say, “We don’t comment about our business with private firms. This was not a government contract.”

“It is important to note that no charges have been filed against anyone about this issue, only that questions are being asked. Karen Haynes is now in charge of private fundraising. She has not been accused of breaking any laws.”

“We will update this situation if anything develops.

Well now. We finally come to it. Right there in his own attack piece, The publisher answers his own question. “This is not a Government contract.” Pretty much tells you right there that the State Police or the FBI need not be involved in anything as far as an investigation into the PCAS. Once again, quite simply, this is a vendetta piece by The Publisher because he couldn’t swim in a fucking pool that he once again obsessed over because he couldn’t keep his hairy, fat body from dripping some sweat down his back and into his stained Fruit of the Looms.

As a former journalist and the concerned adopted son of Hurricane, West Virginia, I felt it was my duty to lay out before you the worst attempt at yellow journalism that’s come down the pipe since the August 29th, 2007 article that read “Bush Calls for the Mass Murder of Iranians!” over on Inforwars.

The next call The Publisher should get from any federal, state or country official should be one that will send a couple of guys in white suits and a jacket that goes on backwards.

I now return you to the concerto of crickets.

::crickets::

INS Shuts Down Farmville!

From The Non Associated Press: As the mist started to burn away in the early hours of January 3rd, 2011, many migrant workers were just checking in to Farmville Farms across the country.  Little did they know what would be waiting for them once they were ready to hit the crop fields.

Spreading out like a wildfire across Farmville Farms were Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents, armed with deportation papers and portfolios of millions of illegal migrant workers.  In what would be the biggest raid ever, ICE teams converged on close to a million farms in the Farmville nation and began background checks on all workers.  All migrant workers found to be at these Farmville Farms illegally were hurried onto tractor trailers and shipped off to a holding center.

“I was stunned!” Said Julie Glusser, a 43 year old housewife who spends at least 6 hours a day making sure her farm runs smoothly.  “I came in and was bombarded with paperwork, questions from the ICE agents and complaints from the workers.  I lost 92% of my workers.  I had no idea they were all illegal!” She added.

ICE agent in control of operations of Operation Farmville Sweep, Moe Thebear said that the raid has been planned since the introduction of immigrant workers into the Farmville setting.

“It’s just gotten out of control.  Farmville creators, Zynga Games, have shown no regard for the immigration rules and laws of this nation and those that own the farms and check on them daily are either blind or ignorant to the fact that 85-90 percent of their workers are in fact, illegal.” Thebear said.

It should be noted that Farmville owners are 87% female with an average age of 43 and an average salary of $430,000 a year.  While real farm owners are 85% male with an average age of 57 and a salary of $57,000 a year.

“That’s just not right and with the closing of 100 or more farms across the States every year, those numbers drop drastically.  What these Famvillians are refusing to understand is you can’t feed a nation with Internet crops.  Especially grown, tended, picked and shipped by someone that’s not even supposed to be in this country.” Thebear added.

“I can’t believe this!” Screamed one woman in Kansas City.  “I think I am going to be sick!. That would be Mrs. I.P. Freehley, a doctors wife that used to spend 10 hours a day on Farmville.  She had deleted her account by accident in an attempt to hide the fact she knowingly hired illegal migrants to tend to her crops.  When she found out she could not get any of her Farmville Farm back, she was physically sick.

“Serves her right.” Says Moe Thebear. “I heard she had one of the biggest Farms in the Famville community.  Now it’s gone.  All gone.  Excuse the pun, but you reap what you sow.”

Final numbers on the total number of illegal Farmville workers that have been or will be deported are not in, Thebear estimates that it will be in the several million.  This article written by Tyler Hollywood of “That’s So Not The News.”

The Transformation of Mark Halburn

Or…how to accomplish nothing in an entire summer.

I have just run across some incredible footage of a new work out program that has transformed one of the more sedentary of men into a war machine.  It’s incredible what this one day work out has done for the man we all know and love (to hate) as Mark Halburn.

First off, a little cardio.  Mark says;

“Whew.  They said feel the burn but they didn’t say it’ll feel this greasy dew and never warned me about the smell.  I better do some lifting.”

And so began the clean and jerk.

Lets check in with Mark to see how he is doin.

“Clean and jerk?  I thought it was jerk and clean…and this isn’t how I do this at home.”

Well, I guess we should move on.  Perhaps something a little more controlled.  Easier, if you will.  Oh look, he has found his way over to the crossover cable machine!

How’s it going Mark?

“Onnnnnee….::puff::  Onnnneeee…::puff:: Whew.  Oneeeeee….::puff…snap::  Oh oh, I think I just pulled a hammy.  Damn that Scott Edwards!”

Wow.  maybe we should let mark continue his work out in peace.

And that we did.  So how did Mark fair in his workout’s, which he started last year?  Well, lets take a walk through the event known as Homecoming and find out how he did.  I heard he would be here covering the event.

Oh look, there he is now!  Let’s see how Mark has transfo…oh.

Guess you can’t win em all.  Let’s see if we can get close enough and ask what had happened.

“What do you mean I can’t do that, officer?!  I am most certainly allowed to take pictures of the little girls.  Look at my press pass!”

Oh oh.  This doesn’t look good.  Let us just forget the entire thing and just promote something that really works….when you put your mind to it.

And thus, I continue on with my tour.

Thank you…ATLANTA!

::crowd roars::

Exercise photo credits: Mark Halburn

Some guy in a white shirt and cop photo credit: Phantom Photog

Exposing The Publisher #8

West Virginia Man Caught In Lie!

Mark Halburn. Family man, blogger, KFC fiend….and liar.

Recently the Great White Shart has been spotted leaving his slimy trail of hoo hah around the Hurricane, WV Topix Forums. I can only assume that he figured no one would be watching. He thought it was safe to go back into the commenting waters.

Wrrr…wrrrr…wrrrrr…wrrrrrong!

Already having posted under the name of Mark with an IP hit of Nitro, WV, Mark left several different comments on a few topics at Topix. Not a big deal, just his usual rantings and copy and paste efforts and his always present linkage to the his putnam(blargh).com web site.

In his wisdom, he decided to rant and rave under the guise of “Lee” (also with a Nitro IP hit), whom he of course took the name from the infamous Lee from Cryptic Bullshit, and posted several lame shots at the Hurricane political elite. It’s a tactic called Wingmanning.

After a few hours, he got caught. It, of course, escalated. He then went on a big back track attempt by creating an account and making a post under the name of The Real Mark Hallburn. Of course, I have since proven that The Real Mark Hallburn, Lee (from Nitro) and Mark (from Nitro) are all…Mark Hallburn.

Fast forward.

In Post #11 under the “Gazette makes endorsements in Putnam election” thread, Mark (in response to someone using his own name…which is funny as all get out in this case) had the following to say.

LIES by yet more libelous statements made by people hiding under false names to try and discredit me and my family!!!!

I have NEVER set foot in that vile place! My family and I shop elsewhere for our grocery and merchandise needs!!

Wal-Mart and the Putnam County leaders that allowed such poison into this fair county are a disgrace and they can’t stand it when I print the TRUTH!!!!

Many Thanks!
Mark Hallburn
Publisher
putnam(redacted).com
(304) 415-NEWS

Wait. Did you miss it? Go back and read line #2 there. What what?! He’s never set foot in that Walmart?

BLASPHEMER!

::insane Preacher point::

I have the proof right here. Proof that Mark himself sent this “publisher” back in the early part of the year.  Now, to protect his information, the account  numbers have been removed  (by his own doing) and I have captured only the necessary parts to prove my point.

Now, let us not forget that he has been seen at Walmart by several different alert readers and fans of various blogging sites and radio shows to prove he has been there, but we have numerical and verified proof that he has actually spent money there.

How will The Publisher deny this one?  He can’t!  I wonder what his “legal team” thinks of him now?

Lets envision, shall we?

::dream sequence music::

The scene opens up to show a close up of finger puppets all sitting around a small table, stolen from Matthews Barbie Playhouse set.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #1: Wow.  I think we have a development, gentlemen and as Mark’s legal team, we have to nip this in the bud if we are to have any chance at any sort of lawsuit.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #2: This is disastrous!  There is no way we can spin this.  Is there?

Finger Puppet Lawyer #3: Did anyone bring the KFC like we talked about at the earlier meeting?

Finger Puppet Lawyer #1: Will you shut up about that!  And Jesus Christ, wash the grease from your face.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #3: Someone said there would be chicken.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #2: Seriously, guys, I think we are up the you know what creek without a paddle.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #3: So no chicken?

Finger Puppet Lawyer #1: There has got to be a way to salvage this.  Where did Hollywood say he got this?

Finger Puppet Lawyer #2: From Mark himself.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #1: What!?  Are you f’ning kidding me?!

Finger Puppet Lawyer #3: How about some Taco Bell?

Finger Puppet Lawyer #2: I’m not kidding.  This is why I am saying we should run the other way.  Kind of like the way the democrats are running away from Obama.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #1: I think you might be right.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #3: I really wanted the chicken.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #1&2: SHUT UP ABOUT THE DAMN CHICKEN!

Dolores: Mark?  Ae you playing with your sock puppets?

Mark: Awww…Dolores!  Way to break the fourth wall there.  Damnit.

Finger Puppet Lawyer #3: Oh great, so now there really is no chicken.

Annnd scene fade.

Thank you and…GOODNIGHT CHICAGO!

::crowd roars::

Exposing The Publisher #7

Hi there.

Have you missed me?  I’ve certainly missed you fine people here at Hollywood: It’s A State of Mind.  The summer proved to be pretty quiet on the blogging front.  A lack of some meaty material combined with a full schedule of work between the store, the consulting and the radio show (not to mention the weather was just mind blowing in the NE this year) made for a “slow news” period, if you will.

I never worried though.  Fellow blogging sensation Mike Balburn, over there at PutnamLIES has kept us updated on the Mark Halburn (Whale) Watch.  Keeping the man in line.  I also know at some point, Mark would poke his head out like one of those gophers on Winnie the Pooh, asking for an “excavation expert.”  God that whistly lisp was annoying!

Now, I wasn’t totally sold on what exactly to do for a coming back party post at first but I knew something would strike me and the ole writing bug would nibble at my fingertips.  I was going to tear apart some of the Publishers recent articles but the Might Balburn beat me to a couple of those and of course, I tip my hat to thee.

::hat tip::

Then the publisher himself embarked on a new post happy opportunity over at Hurricane Topix forums and some of his postings were the nibbling I needed to fire up the next in the installment of Exposing the Publisher series.  Two days later, he gave me something even better with a recent “article” on…you guessed it, us trash bloggers.  Now that the important preamble (much like the declaration of Independence) is over, let us free our minds…

IMPERSONATION PAGES PULLED OFFLINE

Twitter Shuts Down Harassing Fakes

By The Publisher

Online critics of Putnam(Redacted).com are finding it harder to take their cyber cheap shots.

Uh, really?  I don’t find it any harder to do much of anything when it comes to exposing the publishers lies.  The summer has indeed been quiet because Mark has remained pretty quiet.  That was until recently over at the Hurricane Topix threads.  You really think you can pop your head back up like one of those fake moles in Whack-a-Mole?  By the way, what we level upon you are not cheap shots.  The 411 we drop on the lobes of the masses is the plain truth, which you seem devoid of being able to tell.

I think I should take a moment to mention that the publisher added a picture in his post.  Let me give you a peek.

::finger snap::

Oh yeah…this!

In the past week, Twitter, and other online services have shut down several pages impersonating and harassing this publisher of Putnam(Redacted).com.

Ha!  You had one Twitter account shut down.  Any others (if they excisted) were so unused they were shut down by Twitter for non use.  Of course, you like to pad stats and numbers all the time, like you did with your web site numbers.  How is that clicker finger by the way?  Any others that you think you can prove were “shut down” were ones you made to make it look like people cared enough to even “harrass” you.

As far as these several “pages” you have had shut down?  That is a big fat ZERO.  He  can’t get shit pulled because they are either parody sites or sites that have only revealed the truth.  If he tries to  claim he  shut down Cryptic Bullshit.com, that’s misleading.  Lee let his subscription run out months ago. Everyone else that he has  had an issue with, is still blogging.  They  just aren’t saying shit about him  anymore.  But he keeps opening these doors and he’ll see what he gets.

In addition, several other sites are in the process of being pulled offline.

Bold faced lie.  I can’t even explain this any other way, this is a lie.

Putnam(Redacted).com is the only web site operated by this publisher. Any other sites using the publisher’s name or the name of Putnam(Redacted).com are fakes.

His  web site isn’t even a web site.  It’s where real news goes to get distorted and treated like a whore by it’s publisher.  Links to others work is the majority of the “news” on this “news web site”.  The news “articles” or breaking stories written by the publisher are so one sided and full of diatribe, they do not constitute news.  One other deed of trickery is how these “articles” are reused with slight changes to fit the needs of the publisher when something crawls up his ass for the day.  No dates!  Things are rehashed all the time and because of this singular fixation of the publisher, having no dates allows him to the trickery.

While trash blogs and other online sites irresponsibly allow anonymous comments that libel people, here at Putnam(Redacted).com we limit comments to verifiable Letters to the Publisher as part of civil discussion. In addition, the publisher of Putnam(Redacted).com does not participate in trash blogs and forums.

White trash.  I laugh in this guys face.  If anyone is the epitome of white trash, it’s this guy.  First off, his house and yard scream of white trash.  They are both a mess yet he has the audacity to complain about a salvage yard next door.  Then take a look at his wife and kid.  I’ve been to the back water town race nights for wannabe NASCAR drivers and in the stands I have seen folks that are less white trash than this guys wife and kid.  Not to mention that the publisher himself is a 300 pound, half balding, loose fitting short, croc wearing waddler.  If that isn’t white trash I don’t know what is.

Addressing the limiting of comments.  The publisher likes to say he is protecting the “readers” (ie: his index finger) from vulgar language and/or disparaging remarks or as he puts it, “libelous” statements.  Let me first state that he is the biggest opponent of free speech as I have ever seen.  The reason he won’t allow any posts or comments on his sites is because he knows for a fact that he will get caught in a lie and confronted.  So he hides behind being selective as the reason for barring comments.  He is afraid of open discussion, much like our current, socialist administration.  By the by, his verifiable letters?  They are just stolen from other news services and posted as “Letters To The Publisher.”  With this guys track record, I totally believe that Governor Manchin and his wife write him letters all the time.

::coughsbullshitcoughs::

As Flipper, the editing bottle nose pointed out, these letters are columns send to newspapers and the publisher scabs them from other places to make it look like he is on this list of reputable news sites.

And excuse me a moment.  I have to change my britches.  I just sharted when I read this line.

“In addition, the publisher of Putnam(Redacted).com does not participate in trash blogs and forums.”

Hahahahahahahahahahaha! ::pfffftb:: Damnit!  I did it again.

This has got to be one of the biggest, bold faced, out in the open, no way to prove otherwise lies he has ever told.  Lets see, he have posted at WebBrodcasting.net, Medialine.com, HuntingtonNews.net, broll.net and a host of other places as himself and with fake names.  We “trash bloggers’ have proven it time and again.  He has even created fake names to argue with himself or to defend himself.  This is very typical tactic of an internet argument seeker.  He even does it in the same posts.  Here is an example from the newest forums he has been posting at.  Hurricane Topix.

This past Sunday (October 10th), the Publisher posted the following as Mark from Nitro (Nitro was listed because that was the IP the site collected when he was online.  Like my IP can be from Burlington, Essex or Montpelier, it all depends on what connection I make.) over at the Hurricane, WV Topix comment forums.  It was in response for a guy named Eddie who posted a question about moving to Hurricane…in 2006 I might add.  Douchenozzle decides to answer him.

Eddie:

I used to live and work in Oceanside.(Crouch Street and Oceanside Schools). Welcome to West Virginia. The surf sucks, but the people (not the politicians) are rather nice! You’ll miss the fish tacos but will adopt Tudor’s.

Please send me an email to News@PutnamLIVE.com and I will fill you in on how things are in Putnam County.

BTW, we have some great schools here.

That is a classic publisher comment.  One, he is trying to “make friends” with Eddie in the hope of getting him on his side.  Two, it’s 4 years after the fact which again proves just how far the publisher goes and three, shows his obvious relevance.  Now the funny thing in all this is how the publisher has tried to post under a few names to hinder and help his cause.  he has used this tactic in several places until he gets caught and outted.  Once that happened, he posted this as The Real Mark Hallburn;

For the record, I am the REAL MARK HALLBURN!! There has been several “imposters” on this website pretending to be me and who are supporters of people Scott Edwards and Joe Haynes who want to cover up the TRUTH!!!!

“Mike” who runs a libelous website about me, “Lee” from Ohio who seemingly has an obsession with me, and countless others. All of you are ordered to CEASE AND DESIST ALL LIBELOUS POSTS ABOUT ME IMMEDIATELY OR FACE LEGAL ACTION!!!! I have consulted my personal attorney on this matter and he did advise me I have a case if this type of behavior continues.

I provide a service to the people of Putnam County by providing them with the news and facts they deserve. I’m sickened the “powers-that-be” in this county want to hide the truth. I pledge to give the good people of Putnam County what they deserve!!!!

He’s even denied he is the Mark (who is obviously the publisher by the way he comments) is not him.  So in actuality, he is threatening himself with legal action!  By the way, proof that The Real Mark Halburn is indeed Mark?  He posted this (as Mark from Nitro) to another thread after he posted his “I’m the Real Mark Hallburn” temper tantrum.

Dawn:

This is Mark Hallburn from PutnamLIVE.com and I said “Why would you care about the sexual orientation of a mini-mart clerk?” I am not homophobic as indicated by this statement. There are other people on this board impersonating me who are posting things that I don’t stand for.

Lee, you have nothing to sue me for. However, I have copies of all of your Cryptic BS blog as well as that other blog that you write. It’s a long list of libelous stuff.

He then caught himself and posted as The Real Mark Hallburn again, blaming Lee, Mike and myself of course.

One final note on his statement.  The reason he hasn’t been participating on any forums or web pages?  He’s been banned by all of them!  Including this one.  But I will be lifting said ban so that he can grab his shovel and continue to dig his own grave.  Wow, that segment was a little long winded.  Shall we move on?  A show of hands?

::raises hand::

Ok!  That’s good enough.

Meanwhile, we are gathering online evidence of harassment, stalking, and altered photographs that have been used to cyber bully Putnam(Redacted).com’s publisher, his family members, and sponsors of Putnam(Redacted).com. That evidence will be used in court against the cyber bullies, impersonators, and those that have funded and contributed to those sites.

Ah yes.  Leave it up to the publisher to jump on the current bandwagon of the bullying topic.  If people like the publisher Mark Halburn, Tyler Clemente (the gay student who jumped off a bridge for being outted) or Rigoberto Ruelas (5th grade teacher that killed himself because of a bad review) grew some god damn hair then non of this would be an issue.  The easiest way to deal with a bully is to stand up to him.  Not to get on some bandwagon and waggle a finger at them.  Fucking people like this are pussies.  Maybe it’s Mother Natures way of thinning the herd.

The publisher should be one to talk about being a bully.  It’s all he does to people that interact with him.  From physically pushing an elected official, to the 20 something year old female manager at the local pool to confronting the SWAT team that was practicing at another.  He’s the worst kind of bully and masks it by calling everyone else a bully.

It should be noted that this entire idea of the publisher collecting stuff as evidence of bullying is also a lie.  Oh sure, no doubt he is collecting stuff but it’ll be tossed right back at him when he tries to bring this to some public court system.  I remember the last time he tried to collect stuff, storing it on a web site.  I got it pulled because all he was doing was copy and pasting our work of parody.  He had no right.  Still doesn’t.  Maybe he has wised up and just started some sort of text file but it still won’t hold any water in any court.  Good luck with that Mr. Publisher.  I’ll be sure to be on the list of witnesses against you when it comes to your bullying and destroy any credibility you have.  Speaking of which, I have a call to make.

Be right back.

*beep beep boop beep boop*

If you know of any such sites, or the identity of those operating and funding those sites, please email that information to News@Putnam(Redacted).com. The information will be turned over to our lawyer.

Dear readers and dear listeners (for I will be covering this on my show for the pure entertainment this is) I implore you to report back to me on any copy and pasting the Publisher has done in his efforts to collect information.  He most likely is not reporting it as such and I can have his stuff removed, defeating him once again.

Rest assured, Putnam(Redacted).com will not be deterred from presenting hard-hitting news to our readers, no matter how much the cyber bullies waster their time. Our advice to them: Do something productive with your time!

I guess we can wrap this epic blog posting up by saying that no matter what the publisher likes to call us, be it trash bloggers, figments of ones imaginations or cyber bullies, it is not us that will deter the publisher from presenting hard hitting news to his readers.  It’ll be his own ignorance and self applause that will do it for him.

Oh and I almost forgot.  Did you happen to see how much of a love fest that article was?  I mean, the publisher mentioned putnam(redacted).com a total of 8 times (once in title, 7 times in body) and his email once (in body) in that 8 paragraph curtain puller.  That was so much self love that I have no doubt his crank is a little raw to the touch and the paper towel rolls are empty.  Dode’s gonna be pissed.

::long stretch and sniff::

It’s good to be back.  Thank you and… GOODNIGHT DETROIT!

::crowd roars::

Exposing The Publisher #6

In this hard hitting series of Exposing The Publisher, number six focuses on a recent story that was the “top headline” story of the day that ran for two days during the week of the 4th. First, it should be noted that The Publisher over at Putnam(Omitted).com never dates his articles. This fact plays an important part in the following expose’.

Oh yeah, I call this one ” I kain’t stand da noise!”

MAYOR EDWARDS ADMITS ZONING DOESN’T CHANGE NOISE IMPACT

“For months, Hurricane Mayor Scott D. Edwards has told neighbors of the Walmart that to get the city to order the retailer to build a sound wall that they must change their zoning to residential.”

Actually, to be honest, it doesn’t matter what the zoning is. Changing the zoning permits won’t force Walmart or any other business to build any sort of sound wall or plant trees. A study would have to be done to see if the noise emitted, the distance sound waves travel and the actual decibel levels, effect any sound waves have on neighboring dwellings, would warrant the need of sound protection. One man complaining constantly about ambient noise (lets face it, we all have seen the video, it’s just ambient noise) does not make a study on sound wave effects.

“The neighbors have accurately said that zoning has no impact on noise levels and that the fast-talking Edwards has been throwing up a false argument to protect his pet project.”

What? I don’t even understand this statement as far as an argument in The Publishers favor. I just got done saying zoning doesn’t make a difference. The way he stated this line makes one wonder if he is crazy because it comes across as him stating an obvious; that something on paper (zoning) doesn’t effect something of a physical nature (travel of sound waves). Really, is he crazy or did I just read that that wrong way?

“As he has used the lame argument to stall the sound wall, Edwards has had council members and other politicians buying his rhetoric, including C. Brian Ellis and West Virginia State Senator W. “Mike” Hall. All along, Edwards has refused to provide any scientific evidence or statements from sound engineers that zoning has any impact on sound waves.”

“Of course, anyone with common sense knows that the reason Edwards never produced any evidence or sound engineer opinions is that there isn’t any.”

Those last two paragraphs/lines are more rhetoric than Edwards has ever let slip from his lips. Seriously. In a vain attempt to make himself sound sane, The Publisher uses his opinionated desperation to once again, disparage the Mayor.

“Now, Putnam(Omitted).com has a recording of Edwards admitting that the zoning has no impact on sound waves.”

Of course he does because The Publisher calls Mayor Edwards at least 4-5 times a week to complain about this or that. I have no doubt that this is one statement that is actually true.

“There’s no difference,” says Edwards. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Of course he doesn’t want to talk about it with The Publisher…he’s sick of talking about it! Matter of fact, there is nothing to talk about! It’s just The Publisher ranting hysterically. Who wants to deal with that, other than the now famous Trash Bloggers Alliance.

“Now that Edwards has finally spoken the truth on the issue, it remains to be seen if Hurricane City Council members will stand up To Edwards and take care of the more than 20 residents that endure the excessive noise from Walmart traffic on a daily basis.”

Edwards has always told the truth. He even admitted that yes, the zoning was changed years ago to simply fit the needs of Hurricane as it grew and evolved. Not to mention the fact that this is a NORMAL course of city evolution. Edwards doesn’t need to be challenged by people that support him. He needs to have a security detail thought because The Publishers obsession with calling the Mayor as much as he does, borders on the creepy.

“Edwards has promised that if a commercial offer were to be made on the neighbor’s homes that the city would gladly re-change the zoning back to commercial again. But he has a credibility problem about his statements and promises.”

Wait a second. Didn’t The Publisher just state in his opening line something about changing it back to residential? Let us check, shall we? To save you the scroll back effort, I’ll re-quote; “…to get the city to order the retailer to build a sound wall that they must change their zoning to residential.” Seriously? This guy calls himself a Publisher, says he has an editing team and calls this a legitimate business and he lets this make final copy? By this point, any reader that is not in the know about this guy is going to look at this as complete tripe and hit the X button in the upper right corner. What really kills me is he flip flops back in the next points. God, this guy is worse than John Kerry in his flip floppy decisions.

“Neighbors of the Walmart don’t want to change the zoning for two reasons:

Realtors have advised them that keeping the commercial zoning will make it easier to sell their homes.

Neighbors of the Walmart don’t trust Edwards after he promised to enforce the City of Hurricane noise ordinance during the July 2nd, 2007 city council meeting, then failed to keep that promise, instead going to court to have the ordinance nullified.

The Walmart neighbors have lived in their neighborhood for decades, up to 40 years. They have endured excessive construction and traffic noise for up to four years. About 15 lawsuits have been filed over construction blasting and construction noise simply because Edwards and the City of Hurricane have failed to enforce its noise ordinance as well as common sense and decency for its longtime citizens.”

Ok, lets tackle these one bullet point at a time.

Point #1: Of course realtors have suggested the zoning stay commercial (though as of this moment, based on this article, we are unsure what the zoning actually is) as it can bring a bigger payday. However, it won’t make things easier to sell. Based on a personal opinion here with the current direction of the economy (we are headed into the worst depression since the 20’s) there isn’t going to be a lot of commercial property changing hands in the near future in many places, much less Hurricane, WV.

Point #2: The only “neighbor” that doesn’t trust Mayor Edwards is The Publisher. But he’s not going to tell you that. He makes these blank statements so that if another Edwards hater happens to be linked to the article, he’ll get a misleading representation to add fuel to the fire. It’s a crock statement.

Point #3: More smoke. Those 15 lawsuits? All filed by The Publisher over the course of the last 3-4 years. Again, omitting the whole truth is unethical. And I will state again, there is a reasonable amount of evolution going on here. There are but a few neighbors still on Grace Drive and one of them is a huge salvage yard or whatever it is. Things have changed. Evolution has come to that part of Hurricane and The Publisher is doing nothing to better his position by complaining and demanding. He better be careful because ever since The New London, CT incident (the start of it) there is something called Eminent Domain. He’ll never get the $350,000 he is asking and Hurricane has plenty of time to wait him out before they hand him Eminent Domain papers and a check for what the property is actually worth.

“Edwards is a member of the Putnam County Development Authority Board of Directors which put together the Walmart project and served as a non-elected Hurricane City Council Member when the Walmart was planned. He was elected mayor in 2007 in a disputed election that included a decisive ballot box with unsealed envelopes.”

The Publishers version of the Florida “Chad” incident.

“Putnam(Omitted).com has reported that the City of Hurricane changed the zoning without the neighbor’s knowledge or permission, up to four decades after they bought their homes.”

Again, this is now harping, not reporting and again, it’s called city evolution.

“Meanwhile, Edwards refuses to put the Walmart sound wall and trees on the city council agenda, preventing a vote on the matter. When asked why, after the June meeting, he simply said, “because I don’t want to.” This means one man, the mayor, is preventing an entire neighborhood from having peace and quiet, something he enjoys every day-in his neighborhood across town from the Walmart.”

Ha! I love how he says “one man” in that statement. Why? Because it’s one man behind all this bullshit we are exposing now. The Publisher. He is “speaking” for all the residents. The only resident that complains is him. The only resident that hates Mayor Edwards is him. The Publisher. I’d also like to point out that The Publisher once again lied. He says Mayor Edwards enjoys his quiet in his neighborhood across town. I beg to differ. he can hear the caterwauling of The Publisher from his house every day.

“Putnam(Omitted).com used to publish a daily diary chronicling the daily excessive noise. However, we pulled it after Edwards’ supporters and Walmart supporters harassed this publisher and family members.”

Bullshit. It’s still up there. He just doesn’t make public the link for fear of one person. Your’s truly. Between myself and the commenter’s to this blog site making light of his lies and incessant bitching, he can’t stand it so he only allows it to be seen when he is all bent out of shape over something Walmart related. As it is, his latest effort is only updated through June 25th and that was released all at once. So it’s still pure BS and a crock.

“Councilman Ellis looked stunned when Putnam(Omitted).com informed him of Edwards’ admission, and councilwoman Lana Call says “The city can’t afford it,” while ducking the real issue of the city forcing disruptive businesses to endure the cost of sound walls.”

I happen to agree with Lana Call here. Of course the city can’t afford it. They have had to endure not only the down economy but the lawsuit wrath of The Publisher. That costs time, money and effort and each one (I know he has admitted to the 15 as stated in this piece earlier but there have been dozens more…all unsuccessful but disruptive none the least) adds to the time it will take to make a recovery.

Now.

Remember I said to pay attention to the fact that The Publisher never dates his stuff? Well, if you take out the last two lines of this story, you will find that this “article” was posted several months or even years ago. I know I read this entire piece about a year and a half ago when we first were turned on to the antics of The Publisher. Of course, he will call me a liar because there are no dates on said article. That doesn’t prove I am a liar, it proves he is unethical by deceiving the readers with old posts and added lines or changed facts when he has been called out.

As an added note here regarding this article, I have been invited by the Mayor or Hurricane himself to (at some point of my convenience) to give him a call. I am sure Mr. Edwards will be happy to put some truth behind the spin job that we have just exposed.

Tyler’s Travels: Log #1

To give you, my dear readers, something entertaining and different, as well as show Mark Halburn how it’s done, I am introducing Tyler’s Travels.  Each time I travel for my consulting job, I am going to try and take a few snapshots and tell ya about the job I did and the town I was in.   A real Travel Feature sort of idea.

Now, I was going to kick things off at the end of this week with a look at Holyoke, Massachusetts, where I am currently (06/09) but I have been working on something that was dropped on my desk Monday that is MUCH better to kick this series off with.  Our first Tyler’s Travel features…

Virginia Beach!

Recently I was given a small diary of sorts of a close friend that does a lot of traveling. This past Memorial Day week-end he took his family to Virginia Beach to get away for a few days. When he got back, he looked a little stressed out. Like he needed that proverbial vacation from his vacation. When I asked why he looked so worn out, he plopped this little diary of his vacation’s on my desk. All he said was;

“What ever happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas and in that little book. Otherwise, knock yourself out.”

He spun on a heel and departed without another word. Needless to say I leafed through the diary and instantly went to the Las Vegas vacation pages. Wow! I thought I got into enough trouble when I traveled! Still, true to my word, I can’t say anything about Scott’s Vegas trip. Not that I won’t press for details and permission for next time. Or, at least permission to go with him next time.

Jesus Christ.

Now, knowing I could “knock myself out” with the rest, I leafed through some more. Problem was, there was only one other trip posted in those diary pages.

“Virginia Beach?” I mumbled to myself. I had been there several times and even with the late nights I spent there, it wasn’t anything to write home about, or much less in a diary.

“Virginia Beach? What could happen with family at Virginia Beach?” I posed silently.

Then I stumbled across it.

“Oh. My. God.” I thought to myself; “Poor Scott.”

Instead of trying to describe it, I’ll let Scott’s Travel Diary speak for itself. Trust me, it’ll be interesting reading.

VIRGINA BEACH GETAWAY

May 27th, 2010

6:15AM

The alarm went off at it’s usual time this morning. If it wasn’t for this economy I’d a killed that alarm clock with a swift downward arc of my work boot, letting the heel do the explosive damage, but even at $10.99 at the local Rite Aid, a new alarm clock is just an unnecessary expense.

After fisting the top of the alarm clock twice I sat up and rubbed my face. Once I was half awake I realized that this was no ordinary day. I had the day off. Scratch that…I had the next 5 days off! I quickly got out of bed, threw open the curtains of the bedroom windows and let the sunshine roll in. A groan from the bed clued me to the fact that Tammy wasn’t even out of bed yet. Her body was warm, the bed was warm, the kid was still asleep. Hell yeah, baby. Daddy’s gonna score with his morning Louisville Slugger. If Tyler were here, he’d play a bell.

And I shall, just for Scott. ::DING!::

9:15AM

Three hours later the car was packed, Tammy was sitting in the front seat, ignoring her cross word puzzle book and texting her sister. My daughter, Tara, was in the back seat, stretched out and texting her BFF Jody every 30 seconds. Thank God for unlimited texting or I’d have to eliminate one from the herd. However, it was a wonderful Thursday morning and it was the start of my vacation, so I let them settle in for the 12 hour ride to Virginia Beach!

11:15PM

Three pee stops, a lunch break and a dinner pit stop at a Shoney’s later and we pulled into the Founders Inn & Spa looking bleary eyed, car weary but none the worse for wear. The excitement of a Virginia Beach vacation was still flowing through the veins. We checked in, got to our room and then wandered about the place to check things out before bed. Tammy was tired and headed back to the room while Tara and I made a once through around the resort and spa. Tara clicked off the things she was going to do on Saturday (it was supposed to rain) besides the shopping she and Tammy would do. The pool was high on her list, as was the nail treatments. Tammy had already gotten herself set up with a hot stone spa treatment for that day and me? Well, I planned on finding a sports bar so I could watch some ballgames most of the afternoon.

11:35PM

Back in the room and with Saturday already planned, we realized we would have to make a plan for Friday. That was definitely going to be beach day. We planned a day of it there, a nature walk and then dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. I made reservations for a little later in the evening. I’d love another swing of the Louisville Slugger but Tara is sharing our room and Tammy’s nowhere near quiet. So, it’s off to sleep and to hoping for some stolen moments in the shower in the morning.

May 28th, 2010

8:30AM

I’m awakened by the constant stabbing and incessant chiming of someone hitting keys on a cell phone.

“For God sake, Tara, we are on vacation! Can’t you shut that thing off for two minutes?”

I hadn’t even open my eyes yet but it was my wife that answered me.

“Tara’s already down at the pool, honey.” Tammy smacked my ass and continued. “Now get up and take a shower. I’m hungry and they have a continental breakfast.”

Needless to say I was famished as well. I rolled over and saw Tammy typing away and squinted.

“Seriously. I have no idea who is worse. You or Wonder Fingers down at the pool.” I laughed and threw the sheets off, wandering to the bathroom. Tammy wriggled from the bed and tossed the phone on the bed before following me in.

“I’ll show ya some Wonder Fingers, baby.” Tammy offered with a wide smile.

Oh yeah, two for two and it’s only Friday.

5:30PM

Beach was a hit! Lots of sun and plenty of honey’s in bikini’s. Tara sunned, dipped, rinsed and repeated all day, that phone stuck to her like the sand that is now in the crack of my ass. I love the beach, I really do and I love the activities that go with it, like the impromptu volleyball game I got asked to play in. Problem is, that sand is just everywhere! I’m going to have to shower twice before dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.

Oh, one minor issue. Tara was at the pool after we got back from the beach and she said she felt a little awkward while she lay in one of the chairs. Seems a portly gentlemen was there taking pictures of the kids in the pool. I reassured her he was probably taking pictures of his kids or something, you know, on vacation like us. She was certain that he had only one kid, who was yelling, screaming and causing a ruckus, but this guy didn’t seem to care. I was a bit concerned when Tara said she left because she felt he had taken a picture of her. I’m sure it’s because she isn’t in her element and was by herself.

10:30PM

Well, as much as I would like to say that dinner was perfecto (and don’t get me wrong, the food was fantastic) it wasn’t quite ‘perfecto.’ We were seated next to this family that was just unrulely! The little kid was just a snot. He didn’t want anything to eat on the menu and kept asking why he couldn’t have some KFC.

What!?

The kid is on vacation and he wants KFC. Apparently his dad feeds it to him all the time. Oh, and the dad. Jesus H Christ on a popsicle stick. This fat fuck was a complete imbecile. He complained about everything, berated his son and wife several times right at the table, went on and on and on about this Walmart he had stopped at that was soooo much better than the one at home. He even ate every scrap of food on his plate and then had the audacity to complain to the waitress that it “wasn’t to his liking”. He tried to bully the poor girl but she already seemed to have written off any tip she might be getting (quite frankly, the only thing this guy tips is the weight scales at a truck stop) and she quipped;

“By the looks, everything is to your liking.”

I guffawed at that one! She, of course, was pointing to his plate but obviously she meant his bulbous belly. And dude, buy a golf shirt that fits, would ya!

Anyway, fat boy ended up asking for the manager, he yelled and complained, got a free dinner, the waitress was yelled at by Mark and then admonished by the manager. Tammy and I felt so bad that we left her the tip she deserved for both us and Fatty Fat’s family.

I wanted to stab him in the lip with my fork by the time he got done slobbering over whatever he had to eat…as well as whatever his wife and kid ordered. He cleaned off everything they didn’t eat! It was disgusting. The wife was just blank wall by the end of the night, though she wasn’t much better. She chewed with her mouth open and was so apathetic to what this guy was complaining about, that she was just letting him go on and on. I wanted to get up and smack the life back into her but I think it would have been a lost cause.

To make matter worse, on our way back to the room Tara told me that fat boy was the guy taking pictures of her at the pool! I reassured her again that he was taking pictures of his little shit stain but now I was concerned. I just wanted her to relax.

Midnight

You have got to be kidding me. Tara and I went to the pool while Tammy stayed in the room and did her crosswords. When I got back to the room she told me that fat boy and his family…were in the room next door! Oh for the love of God! How does this happen to me? You could hear him bitching about Walmart, his mayor and the town he lived in and it was just nerve grating. Where was that damn fork. I’m going to do it. Good thing he eventually went to get some soda and ice. Tara came back looking white and peaked a few minutes after I left her. Seems tubby had walked by the pool entrance seven times, looking in each time in the span of 2 minutes. Tara got out of dodge and is now in the bathroom showering. She says his look when he was peeking in at her made her feel dirty. I left the door cracked to see if I could catch the guy coming back to his room but eventually all was quiet and I never saw him. Little fucker. I think a good nights sleep and a refreshing morning dip in the pool will be just the thing I need to shake the ending of day 2 off. I hope.

May 29th, 2010

8:30AM

I fluttered my eyes open to see Tammy sittin on the bed watching TV. Tara was in a chair dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. Once I got my bearings I asked why she wasn’t going to the pool.

“Pedophile Pete is probably already down there. They got an early start.” Tara mumbled, before burying her nose in her cell phone text conversation with Jody. I sighed. I’m going to speak to that guy if I ever get the chance. I padded to the bathroom and threw on my shorts.

“Tara, honey? I’ll go with you if you want to swim.” I posed the question and there was a long hesitation.

“Nah, I’m changing plans and going with mom to shop and then the spa later.” She answered.

I mumbled an “ok”, tugged on my shorts, kissed my girls on the head and made a dash for the pool. I’d get in a swim, refresh and then shower. Then I’d get the gals started on their shopping trip then find me a sports bar to spend the afternoon in. It was already looking a little grey so I knew we had planned correctly.

10:15AM

I think I have rubbed the skin off my face. Seriously. It’s a habit when I am irritated. I rub my face in frustration and let me tell ya, the last 45 minutes have been pure hell! I get to the pool and there is fat boy in the pool with his kid. The kid is a screaming menace! He doesn’t like the water, let alone this pool full of it, but there is this guy, flinging his kid up and down thinking his kid is enjoying it. He’s clueless. I decided this was my chance to speak to the asshole but as I made my way to the pool a group of kids came in with 4 adults. There was like 12 or 15 of them! All between the ages of 7 and 11. I was distracted for only a few seconds but when I turned back, there was fat boy creating a wake to get out of the pool. He was as giddy as a wall flower being asked to dance for the first time! He was slobbering something to his kid about getting his camera as he literally dragged the poor menace in training behind him.

At this point, I figured I’d wait, hang around to see if this guy really was snapping pics of little kids and then confront him, not just speak to him. But after 20 minutes I realized he wasn’t coming back. A Krispee Kreame must be giving away donuts or something and the smell of a freshly baked donut is like shark bait to a guy like that. At any rate, I got a swim in, relaxed and then was pretty much forced out by 15 splashing kids. They were having fun and I had my swim, so I let them have the pool.

When I got back to my room, I got my answer on where this fat boy was. There he was, dragging along beach towels, inflatable’s and his kid as his wife begrudgingly led the way.

“Hurry up Mark. You are the one that planned beach day on the only day it’s going to rain. I want to get some time in, in the sun.” Her defeated voice rang through the hallway. I stayed, watching, mouth open, like an onlooker at a beached whale rescue. Amazed at what nature can produce visually.

“Oh, bah. It’s not going to rain, Dolores. And it will only take me a few minutes to snap some pictures at the pool for my travel feature.” Fat boy stammered on, his camera flinging back and forth as it hung off his neck.

“No, you can do that later! Can we at least try and enjoy this vacation and not turn it into some working travel feature for your stupid blog?!” She piped up

“It’s not a blog, damnit!” Defeated, Mark let the door close behind him as they headed to the beach. I stood there a moment, perplexed.

“What. The hell. Was that?” I asked myself as I slide my key card to open the door.

5:00PM

Holy crap, did it rain! I mean, we are talking storm, wind, hail, the whole nine years. I spent the day quaffing brews at Smoky Bones BBQ just a short drive away. I met up with the ladies of my life at 4:30 to see how their day went and to plan dinner. Seems Tammy went to the buffet in the morning and there wasn’t much left. She made mention of the fact that a place such as this should have enough buffet food for everyone if they were going to advertise how good it was. When told there should be more than enough to cover even the heartiest of eaters, my wife had to differ. I guess the shock on the Inn’s manager was classic. He had never seen such devastation of his continental breakfast. According to eye witnesses some heavy set man tore through free breakfast in the morning like the rain storm did in the afternoon. To say the least, the manager promised it would not happen again.

“I’ll post guards if I have to!” He said.

My wife and child were stuck with half a bagel and a pad of butter, between the two of them. I knew exactly who they were talking about. I was bound and determined to give this guy a piece of my mind for causing so much anguish in just 12 hours! Speaking of the dick bag, I heard him in the hallway when they got back to the room. Seems he got caught in the middle of the rainstorm when they got to the beach…a mere 15 minutes after he paid 15 bucks for parking! Ha! Some people never do their homework. We went yesterday and never paid a dime to park. A little walking doesn’t hurt. Well, in my case. This guy? He could have used it.

Speaking of the rain and the crazy hotel neighbor, when I ran out to the car to grab my wallet, I stumbled across this and had to take a picture.

Really, fat boy? You have nothing better to do than to parade your naked white ass and man tits around in a clear rain coat? I was so sick to my stomach I had to take this picture so others could feel my pain. What the hell is that?! A cloak on invisibility with dead batteries?

Anyway, we are off to the aquarium. My daughter is all excited to see dolphins and the orca they have there. Gonna grab hot dogs at a shack somewhere on the beach, now that it is clearing off.

10:30PM

Well, not a bad evening if I do say so myself. My daughter loved the aquarium despite the fact she could not see the orca perform. Seems an incident earlier in the day involving a screaming child and his obese father has depressed the whale and it’s just floating there in the whale pool. After the incident a few months ago, no trainer wants to take a chance being in the pool with it. I had to wonder if it was Mark Fatman that had been involved. Nah, no possible way. Tara did enjoy the dolphins, as did I. After grabbing dogs and soda’s on the beach, we made our way back to Founders and I talked Tara into going for a swim in the pool. Maybe we could have a few minutes to bond while Tammy did her hot stone massage.

I could not believe that this Mark guy was back in the pool with his screaming kid again! Does this guy let anyone else use the pool? By the looks, he had driven everyone else away. Tara took one look at the fat slob in the pool and stopped cold. I looked around and didn’t see his camera, I told Tara to relax. We got in the deep end and kept to ourselves as fat boy played in the water. He then started telling his kid, who was now sitting on the cement edge, shivering.

“How about that Walmart, kiddo? Looks like they know how to treat their neighbors.” He said, quite off hand.

Are you serious? The kid is like 5! He has no clue about any of that and here is this guy, talking to the kid like he knows all about it. I mean really, don’t you have something better to talk to your kid about?! I just want to face palm this guy because he won’t shut up about Walmart. It’s f’ing Walmart! Shut! Up!

Fat boy and his kid eventually left to see if anyone left some stray Oreo cookies on the roof of their car, or some shit like that. I didn’t care. I was able to swim for 40 minutes with my daughter in peace. As nervous as she was around him, she was just as opposite when he left. She even took a few cracks at his, well, er, crack, that was evident when he was launching himself from the pool.

“He should get swim shirts that fit.” Tara laughed.

“There’s no Big & Tall store big enough for that guy.” I added.

A little bit later we met up with Tammy. We had all decided on watching a late showing of Robin Hood. So we all got showered, changed and headed to the cinema. We could hear Mark in his room complaining about the cost of a package of cookies from the vending machine. In the car, Tammy made mention that Mark’s wife, or whoever that poor woman was, complained the entire time during the hot stone massage that the stones were…yeah, you guessed it. Too hot. No one in that family can be pleased.

The day ended on a good note. The movie was fun, we all had a good time and it was quiet when we got back. Tara is off talking to her boyfriend on the cell phone and won’t be back for at least 40 minutes. Just enough time to see if Tammy has energy to rub the ole Louisville Slugger.

May 30th, 2010

8:30AM

I really hope my day goes better than how it started. The fat guy next to us must have sleep apnea or something. That bastard snored all night long and at one point, I felt like it literally shook the walls. I mean it was so bad I had to check to make sure. I finally banged on the wall and screamed for some peace and quiet! Jesus Christ he should use a machine, either to help him sleep or put him our of his misery.

Oh, went to breakfast this morning and got some good chow, despite the fact that fat boy was raising a stink about being asked to take only what he can eat. Have you looked at this guy? He can eat whatever is put out! Anyway, the armed guards the manager promised the day before escorted him out and we all a peaceful breakfast.

4:30PM

Wow! Day has gone great. While Tammy and Tara got ready for the day, I took a drive up to Trader Joe’s to pick up a few items. I got the LAST two bottles of Cherry Cider! Score! They said they probably won’t have any more of that for a week, so I grabbed both. My wife loves the stuff.

We decided to the boardwalk and it was awesome. Tammy and Tara shopped for the souvenirs’ today and did a pretty good job. I love to people watch too and this was a perfect place. While they shopped, I found a place to sit and have a couple of brews and people watch. My oh my the ladies in bikini’s was just breath taking. Lunch was a pizza split with the three of us and it was very good. Right now we are all getting fancied up and headed to a cruise dinner on Virginia’s Jewel Charters Cruises! I heard about this idea from an older gentlemen and his wife at breakfast and it seems like a great idea!

11:35PM

Well, our time here is almost over. We had a great dinner on the cruise, better than Walt (the older gentlemen) had even described. Food was amazing. The sunset was even more amazing. Definitely a must do on any vacation at Virginia Beach. Oh, funny thing when we got back. While we were coming down the hallway, old fat boy was coming at us from the other direction, dripping wet. He was at the pool again! Good Christ!

I was going to finally have my chance to speak with him but he was on his cell phone complaining to someone about Trader Joe’s not having Cherry cider!

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Now that was the best thing I heard all week.   Twenty minutes later I ran into him (my life flashed before my eyes) in the hallways as I headed to the vending machine. He has his head buried in his cell phone, texting! Doesn’t anyone communicate face to face anymore? He was mumbling something about Mayor Edwards and Walmart again. What the hell? Is this all he does? I’m afraid it is by the sounds. The guy must have no life. I finally spoke up, on a whim.

“Hey douchebag. If everyone else is wrong and you are the only one right, who’s really wrong and who’s really right?” I shot him my best smile and padded off down the hallway, proud that I kept my calm and just got in a good poke. I’m heading to bed soon as it will be a long drive tomorrow!

May 31st, 2010

11:00PM

Well, I am tired. We had everything packed up so we could get an early start on the trip home last night, so I had packed away the Acer. But I could not end this travel feature without a check out story! Of course, it deals with this wretched fat boy soul by the name of Mark. As Tammy and Tara went to pack up the car, I went to check out and say thank you to the staff for an excellent week. Low and behold when I get to the front desk there is a huge line of people. There is fat boy, complaining to the manager! He doesn’t want to pay his bill because the week was “so horrible”. Here is a laundry list of this guys complaints, all so he could gegt out of this weeks bill he rang up;

The room was too cold.

The room was too hot.

It rained on Friday.

He didn’t like the breakfast buffet.

His kid hated the pool.

Dinner’s were not cooked to his liking.

Waitress was inexperienced.

The Aquarium charged too much.

The shower in he room wasn’t strong enough.

The stones for his wife’s massage were too hot.

The Oreo’s in the vending machine were too expensive.

The other guests were rude (that’s my fault!)

The list went on and on. Finally, the police were called and Mark was escorted out of the building and held in custody until the bill was paid. Mark complained abo9ut police brutality and said he was going to sue everyone within shouting distance for 10 million dollars. No! I am not making this up. He actually said that!

Long story short, I finally was able to get through the long check out line created by the human rain delay and when I walked out to the car, I ran into Mark trying to make some money to pay for his hotel bill. Warning, it isn’t pretty.

So there ya have it, diary. My week at Virginia Beach!

Zynga To Shut Down Farmville!?

San Francisco, CA: The popular online game, Farmville, created for Facebook by California based Zynga Games, has been added to a list of game applications that will soon be shut down. The rumored shut down will take place around June 1st, 2010. Farmville, that ever so quirky game where users build small communities in the form of farms. It’s a social experiment dipped steeply in social media and is addicting.

According to a source inside the corporate offices on Vermont Street in San Francisco, the game had become too addictive and is full of backdoors that allow too much in the way of Internet hacking. Millions of people play the game, usually through it’s Facebook application and many of those millions are addicted to the game.

“It’s so addictive, it can cost you money, not to mention a loss of sleep, focus and even family and friends.”, the source is quoted as saying. One young boy, in the UK, spent roughly $1,400 and it was billed over a two week period during a part of Farmville that allows users to spend real cash to get virtual money in order to buy items for their farm.  He wiped out his own savings before ringing up the rest on his mothers credit card.

Phishing and hacking incidents are also numerous. Several players have complained about passwords being phished or stolen after adding friends to be “neighbors” in Farmville. Several hoaxes have also disrupted game play as players take the time to post about virus warnings which turn out to be false.

“A virus warning circulating among players of FarmVille is a hoax, security experts have warned.

The hoax message, which claims that malware is being spread by links which offer players the ability to send three eggs at once, supposedly comes from Norton – a brand name used by security firm Symantec.

However, security experts said that the hoax message could be causing just as much disruption to players as a real virus would, and warned players not to circulate it.”, said our source.

Both pharming and phishing are methods used to steal personal information from unsuspecting people over the Internet.

Phishing typically involves fraudulent bulk e-mail messages that guide recipients to legitimate-looking but fake Web sites and try to get them to supply personal information like account passwords.

Pharming tampers with the domain-name server system so that traffic to a Web site is secretly redirected to a different site altogether, even though the browser seems to be displaying the Web address you wanted to visit.

“Many organizations aren’t alerted that their site is being pharmed in time to alert and protect their customers and many more organizations have no way to show their examiners and IT committee that their pharming defense solution is compliant.”, says the source. “Based on a look at our own defenses, it was decided to shut the game down as the problems had become too numerous.

Of course, this entire article was created as an experiment to see how freaked out Farmville users would get when given the news that it will be shut down.  It’s totally fictitious and untrue.   If I have created mass hysteria, I have succeeded in my plans for the day. No word yet on the fate of Cafe World.