INS Shuts Down Farmville!


From The Non Associated Press: As the mist started to burn away in the early hours of January 3rd, 2011, many migrant workers were just checking in to Farmville Farms across the country.  Little did they know what would be waiting for them once they were ready to hit the crop fields.

Spreading out like a wildfire across Farmville Farms were Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents, armed with deportation papers and portfolios of millions of illegal migrant workers.  In what would be the biggest raid ever, ICE teams converged on close to a million farms in the Farmville nation and began background checks on all workers.  All migrant workers found to be at these Farmville Farms illegally were hurried onto tractor trailers and shipped off to a holding center.

“I was stunned!” Said Julie Glusser, a 43 year old housewife who spends at least 6 hours a day making sure her farm runs smoothly.  “I came in and was bombarded with paperwork, questions from the ICE agents and complaints from the workers.  I lost 92% of my workers.  I had no idea they were all illegal!” She added.

ICE agent in control of operations of Operation Farmville Sweep, Moe Thebear said that the raid has been planned since the introduction of immigrant workers into the Farmville setting.

“It’s just gotten out of control.  Farmville creators, Zynga Games, have shown no regard for the immigration rules and laws of this nation and those that own the farms and check on them daily are either blind or ignorant to the fact that 85-90 percent of their workers are in fact, illegal.” Thebear said.

It should be noted that Farmville owners are 87% female with an average age of 43 and an average salary of $430,000 a year.  While real farm owners are 85% male with an average age of 57 and a salary of $57,000 a year.

“That’s just not right and with the closing of 100 or more farms across the States every year, those numbers drop drastically.  What these Famvillians are refusing to understand is you can’t feed a nation with Internet crops.  Especially grown, tended, picked and shipped by someone that’s not even supposed to be in this country.” Thebear added.

“I can’t believe this!” Screamed one woman in Kansas City.  “I think I am going to be sick!. That would be Mrs. I.P. Freehley, a doctors wife that used to spend 10 hours a day on Farmville.  She had deleted her account by accident in an attempt to hide the fact she knowingly hired illegal migrants to tend to her crops.  When she found out she could not get any of her Farmville Farm back, she was physically sick.

“Serves her right.” Says Moe Thebear. “I heard she had one of the biggest Farms in the Famville community.  Now it’s gone.  All gone.  Excuse the pun, but you reap what you sow.”

Final numbers on the total number of illegal Farmville workers that have been or will be deported are not in, Thebear estimates that it will be in the several million.  This article written by Tyler Hollywood of “That’s So Not The News.”

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