Markzilla Ruins “New Moon” Release Party!

Hurricane, WV: The Hurricane Walmart recently hosted a release party of the Twilight Saga: New Moon DVD.  Hundreds of 16 year old girls flocked to the retail giant to scarf up their copy of the highly over rated, excruciatingly talentless movie.

“Oh…MMM….GEEE!” Screamed one little 14 year old as she ran around the store dressed as one of the characters.  Which one, we didn’t really care to ask.  Others were dressed as their favorite characters as well.  One little boy of around 12 seemed a bit confused.  He was dressed as Harry Potter and was a bit dejected when he found out it was for New Moon.

“At least I got a Werewolf cupcake.” He said when someone asked if he was disappointed.  “Well, half of one.  Some fat guy that smelled like KFC ate most of them.” The boy added.

Besides the screaming 16 year old girls there were screaming effeminate 16 year old boys too, like wise dressed as their favorites.   One dad was seen running his hands over his face.

“When my son was born I didn’t realize I would end up with three daughters.”  He shook his head as he watched his two daughters and his son, skip around the store as they awaited the release of the DVD.

Horror struck, however, when at 12:15AM the store was reduced to ashes and twisted metal after a mythical creature known as Markzilla grew angry from all the noise.  The devastation was quick.  Local police had no comment so as to not create a panic by confirming the horror that is Markzilla.

The destruction did not deter the producers of the Twilight Saga as they announced that Eclipse (the third movie in the series based on the authors sexual fantasies) will indeed be made.

6 thoughts on “Markzilla Ruins “New Moon” Release Party!

  1. Ya know what is hilarious about this, other than the fact it’s a parody? It’s a better written news story than anything that Putnam(BLOG) site has put out.


  2. Mark Halburn will never get the joy of taking his pre-teen daughter to a movie release… because she was stillborn.

    But there’s hope… your blatantly homosexual son will be into it.

  3. Mark might get the joy of taking a pre-teen somewhere. He’s so obsessed with sex offenders that he had to learn (or turn) a trick or two.

  4. I’m ashamed of you, Tyler. I am ashamed that you would pick on such easy targets. I am ashamed that you would dare to try to blast two abominations in one go. But most of all, Tyler, I am disappointed that you would try to tarnish the good name of Stephanie Meyer’s work by putting it in the same blog post as Mark Halburn. Shame on you, Tyler Hollywood. Shame. On. You.

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