Crowd: Hi Dennis.
… and I have a problem.
It’s been a few months but sometime last year I posted a comment at my favorite web site called Girl of Words. As it turned out, I was busted. My real name is Mark Halburn.
Hi. I’m Mark.
Crowd: Hi Mark!
…and I’m an asshole. You see, I tried to steal me some WiFi today so I could create a post here supporting, well, myself, but under the ruse of being, well, someone else. Well, I got busted again. I know why I got busted too. Tyler Hollywood is a God. I mean, nothing gets past that man. I have a serious man crush on that guy, let me tell ya.
Oh sure, I might call him a liar and the worlds worst radio show host but really, deep down? I crush hard on that man. He’s that good. Seriously. Ask him, he’ll tell you himself and God damn…you just believe him right away because it’s true.
Anyway, since I am such a scumbag and need to be forced to admit things, I’d like to admit that once again, I got busted. Due to Tyler’s due diligence, GOW’s memory and Mike Balburn’s ability to counter EVERYTHING I have ever done, I have to post this.
Long story short, I once commented using Dennis3Kids@AOL.com over at GOW’s site with my very own IP address. I know, I know. I’m a fucking idiot. I just didn’t think Tyler was this damn good though so I used it again while stealing some WiFi from KFC (Editors note: Or Biscuit World, of Dunkin Donuts…insert dining establishment here) thinking I would outsmart all these “trash bloggers” and really put it to em. But alas, I’m still just a frail minded, certified idiot of a beached whale.
I can’t do anything right.
See? Pity me.
I’m Mark Halburn. Thank you.
(Note: The above was written as total satire. Anyone that thinks I am Mark Halburn will be shot at dawn, no cigarette allowed.)